Everyday there is something.
A little thing that peeves you. A little something that just brings out a red flush to your face. Something that just makes you boil with rage.
Most of the time your response is irrational. Emotional. One the comes from the part of your mind (brain) that is the centre of things you dislike or hate (even). Why can’t those kids be quiet, why did they have to park there – do I have to wait here, and for how long?
Before you know, a self destruct button has been hit and we are off. Fed by that voice inside that has been spoiling for a fight all day – the seething rage, why is this happening to me. Why now?
Sometimes, the rage is created. Politicians, newspaper headlines, social media posts. Other times it’s people.
Whatever causes it. It’s built in. Part of us. Designed to show us something, a little lesson in life. But you have to let it.
Most religions will give you tools to use, modern mindfulness gives us breathing and thinking skills to work with. Meditation teaches us to be present. Buddhism tells us…
“Acting out on anger makes it easier to do so again in the future, leading to a never-ending cycle. Buddha advises us to neither bottle up nor let our emotions overflow, but to analyze them and come to understand the faulty thinking behind anger.”
Which brings us back to learning, to understanding how it works. To befriend the annoyance to find out what it is that brings such rage or irritation. And then of course you and I can start to work with it. We don’t have to be all ‘lovey’ with it. We can just chose to accept that ..
Something has happened.
Our response to it is not acceptable.
And simply move on, let it flow away from you. It’s a thought, a mindless thought. Just let it pass, take deep breath, close your eyes and think of a favourite beach on summers day, stretch, bend over and touch your toes – do something mindful. But…
Let it go.
Don’t respond to it. Don’t let it ruin the rest of your day. Reset yourself.
Keep calm. Keep letting it go.
The problem with holding on to it. It causes wars, heart attacks, divorce. Spots, palpitations and even wind. Your stress levels will go up the point where you will become ill if you don’t let it go. That is not good for your health nor is it a way to live a life.
Your energy levels will also thank you for letting go. Instead of the life sapping stress of anger and annoyance you will recover your pose and save your energy for something that is worthy- something that will change your potential.
Does this work everytime? Of course not, there is nothing that guarantees a fulfilled life, one that is filled with joy and happiness. Life is not like that. We don’t have to make it any worse though.
We don’t have to stand and fight with our opinions because someone has jumped in front of us, or a tradesman has not returned our calls, has not done what they said they would. No matter how annoying, no matter how much it sucks.
L E T I T GO
And do it now. Don’t hesitate, take a deep breath, listen that voice in your head, don’t act on it or give it any time. Just let it float away. Reposition yourself as being firmly in charge of that voice in your head. In charge of your actions and your next more.
Thinking about what will serve you at this moment in time, what will serve you in the coming few minutes, slowly you will move away from rage and anger (your child brain kicking off) and immediately you will start to focus on the reason this is happening to you, how you can avoid it the next time.
How you can use this moment to learn, to do things differently.
Much of this is self parenting. Advice we would give to other but not always to ourselves. And we should do that more and more. we should be more mindful. we should meditate and learn to understand the beautiful soul that is us, is me. You should be more buddhist…
But until you start to be that, try self parenting. Advise yourself how it’s best for you act in any given moment. An when you’re ready to act on on some of this, get in touch.
Richard Smith – Self Parenting for Grown Ups.